Fandoms are brutal, and while I know it would be fun for me to dump all over Vanessa and her time on this show, I can’t do it because she’s definitely getting enough of that already. But do you know how many forced, fake, chaotic people there are in this world? Yeah, they need to deal with their shit, but they don’t deserve fandom-level hate. My wife is finally watching this show and going off about how much she hates Vanessa and how forced she is, and okay, that’s true. Remember early on in the show when Vanessa was telling Xan to fuck off at the dinner table, and the other participants had to be like, hey, that’s really rude and makes us uncomfortable?īut let’s talk real quick about Vanessa. Vanessa says when she realized Xan was connecting with someone, it “flipped a switch” in her, and she realized she wanted Xan to be “all mine.” C’mon, man, that’s not cool. Vanessa is really thrown because she was given the ultimatum, and now the choice is actually up to Xander. It’s time for the Xander and Vanessa ultimatum. Sam says “Yes”! I am surprised all around! Aussie asks if Sam would’ve been happy if Sam only had the labradorite, and Sam says, “No!” I love Sam. Sam is much more patient than I am, and Aussie does in fact propose with an actual ring. If I were Sam, I would shout, “SERIOUSLY?” If you’re looking for a fact-check on the penguin story, by the way, I got you. That is very funny when looking back on it, but at the time, OMG. Sam meets Aussie in a garden, and Aussie fakes her out by talking about penguins who give their partner a special rock, and then Aussie presents Sam with a heart-shaped piece of labradorite. Aussie seems to just agree to things to avoid conflict or does the famous Aussie move (where you leave without saying anything). It seems so nice! (And yet!)Īussie and Sam, I really didn’t know about. Tiff proposes, and they’re going to move in together. It’s so nice! (But it’s not now! Because of the reunion!) Mildred says she loves Tiff unconditionally, and Tiff says they love how complex Mildred is. Tiff proposes on a windswept cliff and talks about how this experience allowed Tiff to put their soul and feelings on the line. We go through everyone’s proposals, and I very much appreciate the ones where the person talks about what they love about the other person instead of just “I really love you.” But then, I’m a words-of-affirmation gal, so what do I know? Mildred and Tiff have a really lovely proposal, which is now utterly tainted in retrospect because, holy shit, those two. Mal tells her, “I see you,” and, wow, it’s like our very own episode of Cherry Grove. Mal proposes, and Yoly gives one of the most noncommittal yeses I’ve ever seen. I’m not saying I would handle it any better, but I did not sign up for reality television. Look, I really like Yoly as she’s presented on this show, but her back-and-forth with Xander and Mal is exhausting. If you can believe it, after the emotional whiplash of the final two episodes, we left episode eight with Mal proposing to Yoly in a gazebo, apparently with the sun directly in Mal’s eyes for some reason. (If Bryce Dallas Howard gets awesome at handling dinosaurs in the movies after Jurassic World, then ignore that.)īack to our queer reality dating show. To carry the metaphor further, she is the Bryce Dallas Howard, and this reunion needed a Robert Muldoon. And I love JoAnna Garcia Swisher a weird amount purely based on vibes, but she doesn’t have the credentials to handle this situation. Now, we’re watching them talk about their abusive behavior, and the situation is no longer fun. Still, these are real people who were thrown into an irresponsibly designed situation (much like a dinosaur park!). Like, oh, we all thought we were watching this fun little reality dating show. Sattler is like, you never had control that’s the illusion? That’s exactly how I felt when shit started to go down between Mildred and Tiff at the reunion. It’s not a pretty way to go.Įven with Zara’s horrible death on her mind, however, Bryce Dallas Howard was still willing to admit that there was a part of her that actually kind of wished that her character, Claire Dearing, met some sort of similar fate.You know that moment in Jurassic Park where John Hammond says he wanted to show people something that wasn’t an illusion, and then Dr. Instead, she gets picked up by a flying Pteranodon, dropped in a giant water tank, picked up by the Pteranodon again, and then gets chomped by the huge Mosasaurus. While most of those who have fallen in the Jurassic Park franchise have done so rather quickly – typically torn apart by Velociraptors or eaten in giant bites by a Tyrannosaurus rex - the same cannot be said for Zara. It’s the first female death by dinosaur in the Jurassic franchise… And that one was a brutal death, wasn’t it? She was tortured.
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